Momming by itself is hard enough. But when you add, tech, COVID, mental health, school stuff, hormones (yours and theirs), driving them everywhere, doctor’s appointments and on and on and on, it’s enough to make the even the most well put together of us look for that “smash head here” button often.
The NY times recently wrote a new report says that 66 percent of working parents meet the criteria for parental burnout — a nonclinical term that means they are so exhausted by the pressure of caring for their children, they feel they have nothing left to give.
I’ve been a single mom of two brilliant daughters for almost 17 years and it is hands down the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The most brilliant thing I’ve ever done, but the hardest. I don’t remember seeing anything in the fine print of the mom agreement that says, “I agree to be ready for anything and everything to happen, and I will navigate it with grace and ease.” Yeah, right! I call BS.
We need a break. We need to be nourished because we’re always taking care of others and we as a culture are not taught to take care of ourselves. We are not taught Self-Care to the degree that this life requires.
Our nervous system, created forever ago, can’t keep up with how fast the world comes at us. Pretty sure that the majority of us are in a constant state of fight or flight because of the ridiculous amount of stress that’s put on us. This is where TRE® comes in.
So how do I as a single, self-employed, mom of two daughters with chronic health conditions, not lose my mind daily? I actively practice self-care and my go to tool is TRE®. This is how I stay relatively sane and what TRE® does for me.
- Manages Anxiety
Mom anxiety isn’t new, but the best tool for self-care and managing my anxiety is TRE. It helps regulate my fight or flight mode and puts me into rest and digest more often. I practice this weekly and it feels amazing. Like I just shed 5 emotional pounds of stress and tension.
- Decreases Overwhelm due to “doing it all, all the time”
Stressing out over even the little things like dirty dishes, a shoe pile by the door, laundry baskets that need to be folded and put away, paying bills can send me over the edge if I’m already spent. TRE® keeps me calm on the inside and helps decrease the burnout feeling because it raises my resilience.
- Decreases Body Aches and Pains
When I practice TRE®, the majority of current aches and pains go away. Why? The stretching and the unwinding of tight muscles and other parts and releasing tension, both physical and emotional, sets me up to feel better and be able to handle what comes at me a lot easier.
- Mom Guilt Starts to Go Away
I am an expert at Mom Guilt. I’ve always wanted to “mom” my daughters better than I was parented. Pretty sure that’s what most of us want. My daughters deserve that. I know my mom did the best she could with what she had. She was a single parent of two as well and is an amazing human being.
I’m also self -employed so I’m distracted with work things a lot. That also means I don’t do a regular 9-5 with weekends off. I work weird hours because I can and because I work with clients and students all over the world. Weird hours mean work can conflict with getting ready for school or being picked up from a friend’s house. The upside is my daughters see me doing what I love.
My TRE practice helps me sit with uncomfortable feelings of not being able to always do everything and do it like a rock star. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh. Better yet, I have fewer “mental medusa mommy moments” aka “melt-downs” than I did before. I scream less. I react less. I respond more. Less screaming and reacting equals less guilt and self-shaming. That’s a win!!!
- I Sleep Through the Night, Mostly
Sleep has never been great for me due to what happened to me when I was little. I’ve always been a light sleeper and if I wake up to pee or whatever, it’s always been hard for me to go back to sleep because my mind kicks in and begins to run a marathon (or solve the world’s problems as my grama used to call it).
Ever since I began practicing this magical tool, my sleep is better, I can go back to sleep easier and feel more rested when I wake up. That’s a game changer.
Side note, sleep quality is the top and first reported benefit of practicing TRE® from my clients and students.